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QUICK HITS 4

Quick Hits 4 takes place over the course of a day (or it could be - you guess the element that didn't take place in the same day). It's a first!

A FOG

I woke up recovering from a very real dream where there was a giant man-eating whitish/yellow boa-constrictor in my basement. Except it wasn't my basement, it was an apartment. Then the gas stove, in the kitchen, caught on fire and I put out the flames with a fire extinguisher that spewed a substance somewhere between whipping and shaving cream.

Laying in bed, after turing off the alarms, I was trying to figure out what was going on.

This was difficult.

It seemed like a Sunday, except not quite. It was dark outside, so it didn't seem like I needed to get out of bed. Then I slowly came to realize it was Tuesday. ofh. Time to show up late for work again.

MY DEODERANT

I opened new deodorant this morning, and my deodorant challenged me to "Take the Risk"*. Yeah. I just decided what day it was two minutes ago, I had A very real dream about some giant man-eating snake. AND it's still dark outside. I need to avoid as many risks as possible.

I've had this problem with my deodorant before (you may remember reading about it in Quick Hits 3). Instead of challenging me like some child on a playground, how about giving me some good advice? Like, " Be safe driving this morning, the roads are slick." or " Diversifying your investment portfolio lessens potential risk. " or maybe just a " Don't forget to wipe the toothpaste off your mouth before you go to work. " There's a piece of advice that I can apparently use.

ONE GLOVE

It's cold outside. It was cold outside yesterday and I had no gloves or hat, but wished I did. Having the opportunity to remedy that this morning, I did. Being as it is very early in the cold season, I haven't had the opportunity to assemble and organize my winter wear. And consequently I only found two gloves, one black and the other brown. No problem. I'm more concerned about my warmth than my appearance.

But, you guessed it, both gloves are for the left hand. Decisions, fantastic, just what I'm good with. I choose the thicker brown glove and left the house. I would use the gloved hand to carry my lunch on my way to work, leaving the other hand in my pocket. I come up with a plan for everything - no wonder I don't have any friends - I'm a super fun person to spend you're free time with.

Wearing one thick glove I couldn't help but think of Spock in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn. Specifically, when Spock is standing before that beaming alter of energy wearing his thick gloves, attempting putting the mains back on line. Spock indeed puts the mains back on line, allowing the Enterprise to escape before the Genesis device detonates, but in the process loses his life. In dying he lived by the axiom, The needs of the many outway the needs of the few or the one.

SKILLS

I was at a wedding over the weekend (read about my thoughts on them here). While at the reception I was thinking that I could use some really terrific skills. Like playing the guitar or dancing or replacing an engine in my car. If I could get out on that dance floor and really tear it up. That would be cool. Or to play the guitar good enough to play at someone's wedding. It would also tear it up to bring in the engine hoist and pull out the factory engine and replace it with a bored out 450.

But, given a choice, I would choose double pistol fighting skills. Much like Roland, or the all-around fighting skills of Jason Bourne.

A reoccurring daydream of mine is stopping machine wielding killers with my two semi-automatic pistols that I keep in a holster behind my back. At the first sign of trouble I whip open my jacket and sling out my two guns, one in each hand. Pointing the guns in different directions I am able to engage multiple targets at the same time. The scenario alternates between me killing or taking the killers alive. Typically I work for the government as some sort of spy or secret agent. It just sounds so much cooler than my real life.

SEO OPTIMIZATION and FOREIGN LANDS

SEO, in this case, stands for Search Engine Optimization. It's apparently something I don't know much about (If you have seen no humor in this segment as yet, skip to the next, as no more humor will be present for you). I'm writing about it for the first time here, in Quick Hits 4. So far I've learned about how to use key phrases. I've also learned what exactly all the modifiers in the meta-tags do. Hopefully with my new-found skills I can tweak the site so that random people in the Netherlands will stumble across the site.

Sheep say bah.

MORE TALK ABOUT URINALS

Maybe I'm a prude or a germaphobe, but...

What's up with people that wait for a urinal in an office bathroom? As the person using it steps away and the urinal flushes, the waiting person steps up to use it. What? Just go into a stall. Why would you want flush water splashing on you? AND I've never seen a person waiting for a urinal that isn't pulling down their zipper as they step up, so more than your shirt is getting splashed upon.

And remember, this isn't a bar or some house party at 2 in the morning, or some sporting event where the urinals are full along with the stalls. Lining up at those places is somewhat understandable. But in an office? Where it's you and some other guy standing behind you and no one else in the bathroom. That's not right. In a different time a man was liable to be killed for such an action.

* - In case you're wondering, I have had one other message on my deodorant, but coincidently have only written about this particular message. Though I have only had three total deodorants with messages on them (I've switched lately).