Free Bread

hungry? stuck at your desk for a while?

I'm not sure what fuels my craziness, but the latest focus of my crazed attention was a hunk of bread.

There's a lot of extra food at my office, from luncheons, meetings, and whatever. I don't exactly know where it comes from, it's none of my business. It could be the free food fairy for all I know. Point is, every few days a load of bonus food shows up.

I'm usually more bored than hungry, but I'll grab food by the fistful regardless. Unfortunately, bored or not, my body still packs the pounds on regardless. I feel like I should do something about my growing size.

I'm usually unable to turn away from free good looking food, despite my thoughts of losing weight. So after I have some of the food, I start feeling guilty. And once sucking in my stomach leaves no permanent changes, I'll stop eating. This happened yesterday.

The problem? I still had food left - a big hunk of bread and two pats packaged butter. You may think, why not eat the piece of bread? What is it compared to the pile of food you just shoveled into your mouth? Oh no, at the bread I show restraint.

The bread sat there, staring at me. Pleading to me. No! Restraint! But I only have short-term will-power. Must throw bread away (of course keeping the butter as it is a resource). Problem solved! Because who would eat bread after its been in the garbage?

Let's not make any decisions that might be regretted.

I COULD keep the bread wrapped in a napkin in my desk drawer. (This solution seemed the best compromise between the guilty-fat side of me and the ultra-thrifty side). But I didn't want a mouse to take a few nibbles and me then unknowingly eat the rest. So I did what most people would have done (minus the mouse debate) and threw it in the trash can.

(And here comes the part that makes ME uniquely me.)

Then, of course after a struggling, but quick, internal debate, I pulled the piece of bread (wrapped in a paper towel) out of my garbage can.

Why? Thoroughly wrapped, the mouse would have to chew through the paper towel first, thus leaving evidence of its presence. PLUS I could slice the hunk of bread in half and toast it using my office's toaster the following morning for breakfast. Then butter it up with the two remaining pats of butter.

Fantastic plan I came up with.

While you may be at work thinking about your weekend, your children, what tv show is on that night, or God forbid, actually doing work, I am focusing my attention on a free hunk of bread.

I know you're wondering what I did this morning (the day after acquiring the bread).

Well, I brought in three pieces of rye bread from HOME and toasted them in the office toaster. I did however use the two pats of butter. It was quite yummy. What else were you expecting? For me to actually use the bread.

The piece of bread still sits in my desk drawer, with no visible sign of mouse interference. It's most likely outcome? I will declare it a "scientific experiment and see how long it takes for it to grow mold.