BAD ASS

I was hassled by a crazy guy at Home Depot. I let him be as you can never be too careful around crazy people, but couldn't help fantasize about me being some bad ass and confronting him. What follows is the beginnings of some wild story. It doesn't end so much as it stops.

The air was heavy with the smell of wood and oiled machinery. The warehouse shelves stocked with all everything an amateur contractor needs. I've come for a chainsaw, having slated some trees in my backyard for termination.

I stride through the store, my muscles toned, confidence pouring from my being. My stride purposeful, mothers pull their children from my way.

A man interrupts my pace – he is weak and old. His speech and darting eyes betray an addiction. Wildly he speaks attempting to block my exit as he attempts to con me. I beg him off, but he insists.

He leaves me no options.

I drop my chainsaw, reaching down to my hip, quickly I slip my Colt 33 Navy revolver from its holster. Faster than anyone can see I bring the gun level to the man's chest, thumbing back the hammer in the motion. The man's eyes go wide as I sentence another to death.

One shot, two, then three before the man staggers back. I loose a fourth slug to encourage the man's fall. The bullets are hot and set the man's clothing alite. As his body thuds upon the ground flames lick from the holes.

It was a fair fight. I reholster my weapon.

My woman, perfect in every description and wearing only tightly cut panties, appears at my side. She gives me a bottle of whiskey. As I admire every inch of her nineteen year old body I take a long pull from the bottle, washing the dirty taste of the dead man from my mouth.

I stomp out the growing flames on the man's chest, allowing his poor family the possibility of an open casket. My act is more mercy than the man deserves, but I am a generous person.

I pick up the chainsaw and make for the door, my woman just behind me. I toss some bills to the shopkeeper on the way out.