generiCtrenD.com - quicK hitS

QUICK HITS

I present these in no order of importance.

THE PHRASE, Be careful what you wish for, you just may get it.
What people really mean to say is, Be careful what you wish for, you just may get some perverted horrible thing that is vaguely related to what you wanted. An example:
You wish for a million dollars. You receive a million dollars in life insurance when a love one's life is tragically taken. So here's when all the cliche dispensing asses would jump in with Be careful what you wish for. . .

Shut up! The person didn't wish for anything bad, they wished for something good. Think before you start throwing out that crap. I'm tired of hearing it.

AIR FRESHENERS
Like the smell of a fresh sea breeze or Spring rain? Me too. Would you like to buy some product that captures those scents? Me too. Sure wish someone could tell me where to find them because everything I've ever bought with Sea Breeze, or Spring Rain in the product name just ended up smelling like some flower. With all the technology we have these days I'll assume that our scientists have been able to recreate these scents in the laboratory. It must be then that during the bottling process the scent is lost. Maybe the preservatives smell like flowers? I'm not a scientist, so I don't know the answer.

Though it sure would be nice if I could get a sea-breeze scent out of a can. Maybe we could take just one scientist involved with the Limp-Dick Pill Crusade and make me a damn spray can that pumps out Sea Breeze or Spring Rain? Just one. We've already got like a half dozen different pills already. Isn't that enough? There's only one aspirin. How about just getting one Sea Breeze or Spring Rain? Let's get with the program people.

LIMP-DICK PILLS
Holy shit, anyone heard of cancer? How about working on that one? Sixty year old can't get it up? That's ok. Let's knock out cancer first. And then lets knock out a few dozen other diseases before we head back to erectile dysfunction. And why do I keep seeing commercials for new pills? Why? We've got enough. Let's put these guys onto something more important.

And what's up with the commercials? Why not just say, Can't get it up? Does your wife have one more reason to be disappointed with you? Do you have no other measure of self-worth than your ability to have sexual intercourse with your wife for 3 minutes? Then have we got the pill for you. Whatever happened to buying sport cars to make up for sexual inability?

I may have lost focus so let's review: 1. Knock out cancer. 2. Knock out dozens more diseases. 3. Limp dick.

CREDIT CARD READERS
How about standardizing the credit card swiping machines? Everywhere I go, be it grocery store, gas station, department store, or what-have-you, the credit card swiper seems to be different. Do I hand it to the cashier? Press the credit button first then swipe? Swipe then hand the card to the cashier? Swipe facing left or right? Enter a verification code? Who knows? It's all a complete mystery.

The worst is going to a new gas station and looking like a complete fool trying to figure out their pay at the pump puzzle so you can fill up your car. Out at the pump there's no happy and willing to help you teenager to assist you, so you're all on your own. And you never see the directions until after you've fumbled around hitting buttons and pulling levers for a minute.

Let's just all agree on one damn credit card reader and make it the standard. We've all agreed on grades of milk, shoe sizes, and alphabet letters, so why not credit card readers.

THE WAY COPS PUT HANDCUFFS ON YOU
I watch the tv show Cops a lot and they're always arresting people. They've got to get the handcuffs on the alleged criminals and it seems the every law enforcement outfit has a different way to instruct the alleged criminal in the placing of the handcuffs. The cops have to get the alleged criminals wrists in a certain position. And they always seem to have a tough time communicating this information to alleged criminals.

Here's a few examples: Place your hands on your head Get on your knees and put your hands behind your back Make a praying motion with your hands and place them above your back Lay on your stomach and make a snow angel

Ok, so I don't remember all the great examples of the wacky things they said because I'm always shouting for the cops to use the tazar, but trust me, the cops are always coming up with these wacky ways to get the handcuffs on. I'm not trying to knock the cops here, but maybe if they could come up with a few set ways and make them clear to communicate to the alleged prostitutes/car thieves/drug dealers/general criminal, then their job could be easier.

I'm just saying.